Where is the love?

“If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.”
1 John 4:20

I was in Starbucks the other day on my lunch break eating Greek yogurt and reading "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" when I couldn't help but overhear bits of a conversation nearby. Two young women were sitting near me wearing scrubs and talking about some co-worker of theirs.

"I hate her." One of the women said.
"I know everyone does." answered the other.
"No, but I mean it, I really actually hate her."

It made my stomach turn. Here where two friendly looking women, people who seemed like I could be friends with, talking about how much they hate someone!

It made me think back to when I worked at a portrait studio that specialized in team pictures. Mostly high school drill teams and cheerleaders. I had fun with these groups because the girls always love getting their pictures taken. It was the mothers that were the problem. They were viscous, standing around talking about young girls on the opposing teams (or sometimes even their daughter's team).

"She is an ugly little skank." I heard one mother say about the 15 year old daughter of a "friend". I couldn't believe I was hearing these kinds of things.

My next thought is the Facebook page of a young friend of mine. She is only about 14 and I was shocked at the language I saw on her Facebook the other day. It started with a status update calling out a boy who was mean to her and using names. Then came a 40 plus comment conversation between her and some schoolmates using language I never hear; all calling each other awful things, lashing out in anger and taking sides.

The problem to me with this kind of fierce language and emotions is that people mean it!

People are so angry all the time. Driving down the road people get angry. Misunderstanding at work and people get angry. Standing in a long line at the store people get angry. So much anger, so little compassion!

Do we ever stop to think about what kind of day that person driving so slowly is having? What about that hated co-worker of the Starbucks girls? What if everyone really does hate her? What kind of life does that mean she has? What about the 15 year old drill team member who is already being mercilessly labeled by grownups? Or the poor kid who reads those hurtful comments on Facebook and then shuts herself up in the bathroom to cry?

Where is the mercy? Where is the love? Living in the "Bible Belt" most people aren't going to go through their everyday routine without having contact with at least one "Christian", but do they know us by our love?

People are in desperate need of love. They aren’t always getting it from their family or friends and others in their life may be making it worse. When are we as Christians going to stop judging and gossiping and labeling? Maybe it is time to tell people that God loves them and then show them it is true with our actions.

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35

Below is a little video I made after working on some student surveys at work. Hope it makes you stop and think, like it did for me.

Shouldn't this be easier?

I’ve been having trouble with people recently. I often feel like people don’t want to be friends with me, they want to be friends with who they think I am. Then when I can’t live up to this alternate and fictional persona the people in my life get hurt. It is enough to make me want to run away and live somewhere alone. Namely in a little cabin in the foothills of Colorado, a place with no address, or at least not one I would give out.

I understand that relationships are unavoidably founded on what you get out of the relationship. Luckily our relationship with God isn’t like that. He doesn’t love us for what He can get from us. But relationships with people are like that. Does this person make me feel happy? Secure? Important? Do we get along? Do they meet some need in me? Maybe it shouldn’t be this way, but it is. Period.

The problem comes—or one problem comes— when you are depending on someone for too much or you think they give you something they can’t continue to give. That is what happens with me. I think people put a lot of emphases on what I give in a relationship, not that they aren’t willing to give as well, but I get built up as this person that provides for them emotionally. Frankly, I can never keep that up very long, and I never mean to be that person in the first place! This all ends badly. For me. For them. It makes me want to stop being a friend if it means I will inevitably let people down.

I picture my energy in computer game terms. I have an energy bar and the more people I have to give to the faster that bar gets depleted. This leaves me feeling like a failure and the people around me feeling dejected.

Part of me feels like I must be a real jerk, to keep letting people down. Am I not compassionate enough? Do I not get enough of my time? What's wrong with me?

Another part of me thinks I just need tougher friends. The people closest to me and that have been my friends the longest are the ones that initiate as much as I do. They give for awhile, I give for awhile. We are honest with each other, but not it an, “Why aren’t you giving me what I need!” kind of way.

I guess I’m looking for people that get that I can’t be everything all the time. People that don’t immediately assume I’m mad at them because my life has changed since they first met me. I have a hard enough time being someone I’m happy with and being myself. I can’t be the persona you have misguidedly judged me as too! It is too much for me. Way too much.

Anyway, I know I’m ranting, but right now my energy bar is way below empty. My conclusion?
I think I’m going to have to stick with fewer friends, people who get me. If I’ve let you down, I am truly sorry, I never meant to hurt anyone. But consider this, maybe I’m not the answer, maybe you need someone or something else.

In any case I want to echo what the Psalmist says in Psalm 55, “Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you.” And again what Peter says in 1 peter 5:7 “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

I;m sorry but no matter how hard I try not to, at some point I will let you down. But God never, never will. He is the one that is going to have to refill my energy bar and He is the one that you (and I) need to be leaning on.

Side note:
If you are reading this and think, “Is she talking about me?” The answer is a resounding, “No”. I have no one person that I’m writing this about.